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I’m sure that just about everyone has being dumped at least once. And I'm not talking about the commonly used “hey honey I need some space” kind, but the one where you get dumped and you are the last one to find out. Sadly yes, that kind of dumping. Well, it could be worse, and actually it gets worse. You get dumped without notice, without warning, and as I previously implied, you find out either late or by chance, when your grandmother has died or even worse in some cases, on a holiday. A close friend of mine (to avoid admitting that in fact it happened to myself) got dumped in one of the top 3 holidays that I consider that it should be illegal to get dumped. Let’s face it; it should be severely punished to break up with someone on:
1) Christmas day (Unless you don't have a gift)
2) St. Valentine’s (Same condition applies)
3) New Years Day (Unless dumping your “other half” is part
of a New Year resolution)
of a New Year resolution)
What I'm trying to say is that the little extra thing that makes it beautiful, what adds that bit of necessary human touch to it and makes it special, is just the fact that you have been dumped without notice and on a holiday. Isn't this such a friendly world? Yes, my friend got dumped on the number 2 of that list, on St. Valentine’s Day. Let me make something clear, on that day my friend wasn't precisely asked for some time off, he just found out that he had already been kicked out of the “circle of trust” while looking around on a extremely crowded mall for a special Valentine’s Day gift. The good part is that before he decided to spend a small fortune on a gift, he accidentally found that she already had one for him, a taller one.
If you have ever being dumped or survived a difficult break up, then you know the mandatory questioning, and if you're a guy, the usual why, when, where, who and what are always at hand. Guys are a bit different when they have to deal with these sort of things, so in that case, the usual questions are: (1) Why him? (2) Since when you are having sex with him? (3) When did he undress you the first time? (4) Who the fuck he think he is? And my all time favorite; (5) What’s his size?
You get angry, you want to shot her and you call her names you didn’t even know existed. She cries, you cry, and yes, you end up hugging each other, crying pathetically, building without knowing, your last stupid Kodak moment. She says she's sorry and that she wants to be your friend, you accept it, but again you want to shot her. After hours of unbelievable nonsense you realize: that's it, this is it. After just a couple of weeks no friendship remains, and if you had a shared banking account, you are screwed. Welcome to the club, if that is your case. Well, now you have been single for a couple of weeks and you suddenly realize you are no longer yourself. You used to love watching Real-Madrid games on Fox Sports but since she’s gone, for some reason you switched to Sex and the City and get hooked. And it gets even worst; you are also enjoying The Cooking Channel. You have turned into a pathetic mass of flesh. You get the dust out of your old phone book and even dare to call friends that don't even remember you. You start working out; you get back in shape and buy new and nicer clothes. And while you waste precious hours watching girly television, you also get ready for a comeback. Suddenly, there you are. Two months later, better shape and a fresher look; and just when you thought you were ready to go out and finally get what you know you deserved, the phone rings. Caller ID reads PRIVATE. In the past you never answered those, but now, considering the lack of options, you answer and even fake a deeper, more relaxed tone of voice.
–It's me…
And as you hear her voice after two months, you just can't help it. Your heart beats faster, a drip of love fluid escapes in a matter of seconds and you even fart.
Hello? (You reply, acting busy but in complete control)
–I just called you to let you know that I will ask my brother to pick up some personal belongings that I left at your apartment. He's going on Thursday. By the way; how are you?
Well…
But even before you finish the sentence, she hangs up. Now you are just down. You go to your video cabinet and get what you need for moments like this: Sex on the City 3rd season. Once again, there you are, sitting down in front of the television, eating Ramen noodles while Miranda or whatever her name is, complains about love and stupid stuff. You are just pathetic.
When you are on a relationship, you don't waste much of your time on the computer, after all, you spend all day in front of it back at the office; but after a few months of being addicted to girly television and chocolate, you decide to turn it on again at home and see how it feels like.
Inbox: 633 unread emails, mostly spam or porn.
You navigate here and there and you suddenly find yourself, after just a few clicks, stalking your ex girlfriend on Facebook and MySpace on an hourly basis. Not daily, hourly.
A few more days and you finally decide to build your own profile. During that time, the good thing is that you get away from the television. Now you got yourself another hobby. You open a Facebook account, quite sober at the beginning. You get a MySpace account as well and that one you work it out a little more. You get yourself a cool name, upload a nice song, you add interesting graphics and your best photos. You are one good looking cookie. The first ones you add are real life friends or relatives until you learn and work yourself around, and you browse the options guided mostly by horniness and temptation. As the weeks pass by, you send more and more requests, you add more stuff to your profile and you forget about Facebook, you are now in love.com. More requests, more virtual friends and you suddenly realize that your little virtual world has its advantages. You are no longer thinking about your ex-girlfriend, you forgot about the Cooking Shows and you are so addicted to the computer, that you don’t even eat. Welcome to love.com!
Then, you learn about the power tool. You start browsing, choosing who you want to meet. You now have the power to choose the country, region, gender, age and as on a menu, you get to decide which dish is worth to be at your table, you have the power to chose who would be welcome at your little and humble virtual world.
Rachel: Oh… I thank life for her. Italy, 25 years old, single and hot as a Mexican mule.
Nadia: Oh my Nadia. California, 27 years old, single and sweet as chocolate milk.
Katerina: I thanked the Holy Spirit when I saw Katerina. Spain, 29, single and wild as a goose on mating season.
Online dating sites are places –if we can refer to them as such– where you can find whatever you want, anytime you want by just clicking here and there and believing the stories and lies everyone usually say. Finally, after many months of experimentation, of trial and error, my best friend was back on his feet. He looked good, he was rehabilitated and in front of a computer. Your friend list grows day by day and you move around that virtual world better and better, sometimes you meet nice and honest people, sometimes you give out your number and you get some in return. One day you decide to call one of those “new ladies” you met online, one of those that for some reason, are in your top 12 best friends without even knowing them. The phone rings and you get excited, as if you were on your way to a real date, with a real girl.
-Hello. (she answered, and quietly you rehearse in a fraction of a second every single word)
-Hey there, it’s me.
-Oh, I did not expect your call. I thought you will never call me. How great to finally listen to your voice… (a glorious voice from Madrid in broken English now seduces you)
You are pathetic!
You suddenly feel like you are an international Don Juan or some kind of Gigolo. You call Rachel, you call Nadia and Katerina. Now what? Revenge has been served. Your ex girlfriend might be having fun with her new guy, but you are virtually having fun abroad. Several weeks pass, more phone calls, more messages and more comments, and you think to yourself that is all the result of a work of art. One month passes by and you receive your first phone bill after you started calling around the world on your worldwide love quest, and the only thing that comes out of your mouth is:
Oh shit!
It’s time for a better plan and for necessary measures. You start calling less and writing more and day by day, you get fewer replies until the day you notice that you are missing 3 friends from your list. Rachel, Nadia and Katerina are gone. You feel a little uneasy, but just a little. After all, you have been sending daily messages, and calling all those girls for over a month. Yes, 3 fewer friends on your list. You visit their profiles just to check them out and two of them no longer exist, or what is worst, you have been blocked, reported as spam. The other one has something different; new graphics, a new lovely song and… a new status as well.
In a relationship, it reads.
He lowered his head, catching a glimpse of a plane ticket to Madrid.
My friend is 33 years old, a child of the 80's as he often calls himself. Generation X they call us. We grew up with rock and roll and cassettes, canned food and cheese sandwiches. We grew up with the occasional love affairs and masturbating up to five times a day. We grew on regular mail, chocolate milk, white underwear and spying on our cute neighbors from a treetop.
Where did we leave all that human touch?
My friend still has a long tasty list of international beauties. Now wiser, my dear friend Mr. Generation X no longer waste his time watching television or with any girly shows. He is back to his original name which is also a cool name, a nice song is still heard on his profile but this time, the computer will go to sleep mode. He is going out tonight on a date for the first time in several months. Nobody is waiting and no one is on any list anymore. Just the road and a few beers are waiting.
This time he'll make sure to bring a real one back home.
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Looking for online love?
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keep going brother!
ReplyDeletehere's my support for your post,as iam going through a similar situation..